Savage Steroids

It's been a hot minute (or more) since I wrote last... things have been a bit hazy these last few months. While I'm still adjusting to a new home across the country without some of my closest loved ones and trying to make new friends, I'm also grieving ones who have passed, job loss and financial stress along with other basic life events that just suck the life out of you sometimes. Breaks seem a little bit harder to come by in recent years and in all of it, I focus hard to maintain an attitude of gratitude but sometimes quite frankly, I'm just not as strong as I seem or used to be. Dealing with this disease is exhausting and I'm having to constantly remind myself that I MUST keep moving and living forward. My faith and family are often the ONLY thing keeping me together. In my recent Jesus Calling devotional, it read that "Thankfulness takes the sting out of adversity". Gratitude really is a gift and must be practiced everyday to ensure we don't become immune to the problems of others. I count every single blessing whether it's the roof over my head, great health insurance or even just the incredible support system that I realize others may not have.

When it comes to methods of treatment, there's nothing ever really good to say about steroids. Sure, in a time of an M.S. flare like now (where symptoms rear their ugly head), steroids can be the only kind of relief I'm able to get YET, the long term ramifications to the body are brutal. Starting 2024 off with a bang for me means that I'm currently on a 7 day oral course of steroids to try and subdue the internal tremors that feel like a hummingbird is residing in my left foot, fire ants are biting my back at all times and horrific nerve zingers that take your breath away. These are just a few things that have ramped up this last couple weeks in addition to all the other garbage symptoms that I deal with on the daily. With the steroids, do I get relief from all or most of that?? Typically yes, but it's literally trading one problem for others that (in the present time) can lead to major insomnia, internal roasting and fire face (as you can see from the photos!), rage or fits of crying at any given time... the list goes on and on. With the steroids, I get a false sense of energy and any attempt to use said energy goes terribly south when my body revolts against me and then I breakdown into a quick pity party because my body aches or my hands won't work right, other parts of me spasm or I just can't drag anymore activity out of my body. IT SUCKS as it's starting to happen more and more as my disease progresses and there isn't a damn thing I can do about it which is scary and discouraging to say the least. It's unfortunate that in today's advances of modern medicine, the side effects of these "helpful" drugs often out way the relief whether in the immediate or long term outlook. I wish long term steroid use was a real solution to avoid daily pain and fatigue but the affects on the body long term are staggering. While it reduces inflammation, it also reduces the bodies natural immune response in defense of illness and disease. This means more sickness and infections when I'm already on a disease modifying therapy that makes me immune compromised leading to all sorts of issues including over 10 UTI's in the last year plus. It can also cause substantial weight gain, blood sugar issues, bone density changes, blood pressure concerns and so much more. I say all this because it's a real hard pill to swallow when you can literally feel your body failing you yet there aren't real solutions to stop it, cure it or control it.

Struggling sucks no matter how or what it looks like. There is no such thing as a life without hardship so through it all, it matters how we handle it. You're must make the most out of the hand you are dealt, even in the midst of challenges which can mold us into better humans. One of my favorite bible verses is this:

James 1:2-4 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Now I don't know that I consider it pure joy? but how could I possibly know how good things can be without the presence of hardship? Even if faith may not be a part of who you are at this point in your life, I encourage you to embrace the idea that we are all made for a purpose and I believe it is because of the mighty God I serve. His love and guidance comes with free will and no strings attached. He meets you where you are, in all of the beauty and brokenness. I know for certain that I could not survive this journey without that assurance. I never thought for one moment that my suffering and challenges would be worth sharing and possibly even inspire others yet here I am. If you've been blessed by this, then I'm thankful to have been a part of your journey, whatever that may be.

Take care and keep living forward!

Anna