The Scarlett Letter

What would it look like if you wore your life story or ailments on your chest like a Scarlett letter?

Most of us know the story of Hester Prynne who was forced to wear her infidelity on her chest for all to see in the form of an A for Adultery. It defined how people saw and treated her. Whether it be a vice, addiction or disease, perhaps it would make life more convenient for everyone to know what or whom they were facing... Anxiety, Depression, Alcoholism or teetering on the edge of taking their life. Would we help? Would we scatter like roaches from the fear of coming out of our comfort zone to lend a hand? Sometimes, I think a big fat M.S. (Definitely Super Hero style!) on my chest might be a bit easier for me to handle rather than walking through this life with an invisible illness and feeling like I have to justify parts of what my disease can do to me. Why do I park in a handicap space when I look too young to have a disability? Why do I use a cane when I look like I can walk just fine? Why can't you stay longer? Perhaps it would be easier for other people right?! Um, Nope.

The truth is, no one understands what you're going through or the decisions you make better than you. We often hide it too well... behind smiles, behind makeup, behind things. Unaddressed trauma, judgement and self loathing can eat away at our very being (My mom calls in the Junk in the Trunk). When did telling our truth and being transparent and vulnerable become a sign of weakness? My disease has truly taught me that it is normal to feel less than enough some days and I'm still ok. I loathe asking for help...(did I emphasize loathe enough?:), whether it's opening an impossible demon jar or carrying a laundry basket. I've always been pretty strong and independent and M.S. has taken quite a bit of that away from me. Even then, I can still move forward with each day knowing that life is and will be hard at times but how I react and live is a choice, my choice. I can tell you that on my best days, I can still feel weak and useless but it doesn't define who I am. On my worst days, I hate that I don't feel like I'm contributing to my life and to my family. The internal battle is intense but I have to remind myself that these trials can develop true character and prepare me/us for bigger things.

Here's my two cents.... Don't fall for the lie that you're not enough as you are and feel the need to put on a front for anyone. Is someone asks you how you're doing and it's not a great day... say it. Share that you're having a hard time and could use some prayer or support in some way. Lean on the people that you love and love you for exactly who you are... even if it's just a few. Life is not meant to be navigated on your own, no matter how alone you feel. It takes guts to reach out and to exit your comfort zone but we are built for relationships with other people. My life is grounded in my faith and in my village but I realize that my circumstances are my own, just like my disease and what it does to me. Cling to what you do have... try to start and end each day with gratitude for even the smallest of blessings. I know I'm a mess but I'm a blessed one and life is really too short to dwell on worrying about what other people may think and the labels they may place on you.